You know that you have become cynical…

…when you immediately go for the worst-case scenario the moment there is a change in routine. As you have been following lately, I had perceived a change in Mr. Mahn’s footing, largely based on the change in the semi-routine/frequency of correspondences and contact that we have had since we met. The inconsistency in the frequency of our conversations was driving me to the wall, and not in the sexy-pin-me-up-against-the-wall-foreplay kind of way, but I digress. Anyway, my crazed state is largely a result of my trust issues with whomever I date, which is caused by past affairs that have repeatedly left me broken-hearted. However, I think that Femme- Fatale said it best, “Well, [Lofty Ex] was consistent – hell, we could say calculated – while you were together, and look at how that went. Maybe it’s good that [Mr. Mahn] is inconsistent. Humans, in general, ARE inconsistent.”

In all honesty, there really is no firm evidentiary support, only speculative, for me to think that Mr. Mahn was growing disinterested in me, or even seeing someone else – especially if he has already said that he is dating no one else. As much as I may say that I will not make him suffer for the mistakea of past men, I guess that I still do so, albeit subconsciously. Even the speculative ‘evidence’ is based solely on the stories that my head decides to fashion; ironically, these fashioned stories/assumptions are inconsistent with Mr. Mahn’s character. In the time that I have gotten to know him, he has been nothing but honest and open about his feelings and thoughts about our relationship thus far. Perhaps that is what is so unnerving about him: I have every reason to trust and feel secure with him. He is actually a good-natured man at heart and even in his deeds. The way he surprises me with a text in the middle of the day, or sometimes even a phone call before bed instead of our usual MSN correspondences, feel far from calculated. I can truly say that it feels spontaneous, sweet and thoughtful, and it does not feel like it is something we do because it was something we read in Dating-101.

Consequently, with this newfound sense of trust, I am able to finally stop being so neurotic and needy for his attention, which he gives me every day anyway. In reality, I should not have been neurotic at all about where-are-we-now and what-lies-ahead-for-us because right now we are still enjoying each other (in every sense of the word) and our future still looks bright with plans that Mr. Mahn has already suggested. There is the crux of it all, he is already making plans “for us to spend time together” as far as a month from now, without my instigation or even suggestion. Of course, it would be easy to say that maybe they are just pieces of ear-candy. However, in the time I have known him, Mr. Mahn has yet to go back on his word and the plans are not grand plans either; rather, they are simple yet extremely - nay, undoubtedly - thoughtful. The level of simplicity makes me appreciate how both honest and sweet as candy he is.

So I say, bring on the romantics and passion, and I will promise to soak it all in. Besides, when each and every one of our dates has been a combination of passionate, steamy writhing bodies and classic romantics the likes of cooking together and canoodling to a movie, really, what have I got to lose in acknowledging and embracing the mutual sprungness? Just like this yummy video here…